Dateline: Beaver's Lick. TX.
Fearful of a Federal Gubbermint intent on grabbing their teaser ponies and precious freedoms, residents of the Lonestar State are burying their ponies before Ayatollah Obama's forces can sweep in under the cover of the Jade Helm 15 military exercise and take them all.
State Governator McKinney McKinney has ordered the National Guard to monitor the exercise and check all US Army horse floats entering and leaving the Lone Star state.
Local man Randall Biceps declared that all three residents of Beaver's Lick are ready to resist any move on their teaser ponies, but resistence forces appeared to split this morning when neighouring Beaver's Licker, Miss Missy Flagstaff claimed Mr Biceps would likely be too drunk to wake up during the two week duration of the exercise.