Billy Slater – is simply all that and a bag of crisps. Brilliant.
Hopefully Darius Boyd was sitting at home, scribbling notes about how
to be a good fullback.
Valentine Holmes – 3 great finishes for tries. Still looks more
nervous under the bomb than Dresden circa 1945. It took NSW 210
minutes of football to figure this out. Laurie Daley – supercoach.
Will Chambers – obviously in the team as some attempt to keep the
game fair. Constantly got in the way. In the way of NSW, in the way
of his team-mates, in his own way…
Michael Morgan – remember Harvey Keitel’s character in Pulp
Fiction? The Wolf? That’s Morgan.
Dane Gagai – my pick for player of the series going into the game,
the judges agreed. Who signed him again? Oh that’s right.
Cameron Munster – there were some question marks over whether
Munster was going to be up to the job. These people are not familiar
with Craig Bellamy’s Jurassic Park style cloning facility where he
spliced Billy Slater’s DNA with that of some kind of football
playing frog. Queensland uh uh uh finds a way.
Cooper Cronk – dropped the ball when about to score a certain try,
so there’s that. Also put in one of the greatest attacking kicks in
the history of attacking kicks. So there’s that.
Dylan Napa – did his job I guess? He plays for the damn Roosters,
what do you want from me? Still looks like Jake Busey.
Cameron Smith – nothing needs to be said.
Jarrod Wallace – it’s always special when a prop scores a try,
especially because it’s nearly universally some sort of cosmic
accident when it happens. Started grinning like Hodor when he saw the
tryline wide open. Good for him.
Gavin Cooper – there’s probably some joke I can make about barrel
making but it’s late.
Matt Gillett – punishing in defence and attack. The best a man can
Josh McGuire – There’s a lot of Dishhead Dowling in McGuire and
that’s either a backhanded compliment or a cloaked insult. I can’t
tell which. Runs hard, tackles hard, gets himself hurt, a bit Martin
Lang as well.
Ben Hunt – was wisely kept off the field until the game was wrapped
up. A very shrewd move by coach Walters, we know what this guy is
capable of in crunch moments.
Josh Papalii – like The Rock if The Rock ate another The Rock.
Coen Hess - ‘Rudolf’ as I’ve come to call him is just as brutal
and efficient as his namesake. Too far?
Tim Glasby – when he got the ball on the half volley and started
trundling for the try line we were all thinking it: is this the next
Danny Nutley? Unfortunately Glasby doesn’t have the Nuts turn of
pace. Ask me some time about the time Danny Nutley was the second leg
in a double at the SFS…
James Tedesco – you know that ad that he’s in where he sets off
the museum alarm system and then sizes up the security before the
screen cuts to black? The end of that is that he trips in the first
three seconds and then spends the next 45 minutes being beaten in a
back room with a phone book before being sold off to work in the
engine room of a Yakuza operated black ops whaling vessel…this
analogy has gone too far but you see what I’m getting at. The guy’s
Brett Morris – I never, ever thought I would see the day when Brett
Morris was far and away the best player on a NSW team. Next thing you
know Donald Trump will be President.
Josh Dugan – I’ve been hard on Duges for a long time, but that’s
only because I want to see him develop. After my criticism of his
last game he did in fact learn how to pass. Only it was forward and
to a Queenslander, but baby steps. Shine on you crazy diamond.
Jarryd Hayne – remember in 2009 when Hayne was the best player in
the comp? Let’s all remember him for the player he was and not the
abomination he has become. The Michael McIntyre of rugby league.
Blake Ferguson – when Valentine Holmes went over the top of Fergo
for his third try you could see Blake gesturing to his team as if to
say ‘it’s not my fault – I didn’t pick me’. Daley should
have trusted his judgement.
James Maloney – how this jackboot dilettante won two premierships
is beyond me and has forever tarnished my enjoyment of rugby league
both as a sport and a concept. The best microcosm of his career was
late in the game when the Blues were trailing but still in the game
and Jimmy put in a pinpoint kick – to Alfie Langer.
Mitchell Pearce – Pearce again astounds me with his incredibly
accurate kicking game. It was somewhere near the 30th
minute before he missed a Queensland back and accidentally found the
turf. Otherwise he was like the Legolas of picking out the QLD
Aaron Woods – like Styx or Warrant or any other 80’s hair metal
band – a crushing lack of talent and ability disguised by a flowing
Nathan Peats – let’s remember that time when his father, Geordi
Peats, played in Canterbury’s 1993 Minor Premiership team…
Andrew Fifita – more like Andrew FiFATa. Yeah that’s what I’m
going with. A real flat track bully, looks great when things are
going his way, a useless thug when they’re not. Won’t turn a game
that you’re losing, just helps you win more. Ran for more than
800m, which is something, however only 12 of them were forward.
Boyd Cordner – seeing this man in a Blue jumper is inspirational. I
mean if he can become captain of the NSW Origin team then I might
just have a chance as well. Crippling ankle injury and all.
Josh Jackson – to quote Andre 3000 ‘Sorry Josh Jackson. I am for
real. Never s’posed to make the Blues side, you’re the one who’s
Tyson Frizell – More like Tyson Fizzle. Amirite?
David Klemmer – If the players in this Origin series were the cast
of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark then David Klemmer
is the bag of sand used to weigh down the trap. A heavy, amorphous
mound that is ultimately unable to perform the one simple task it was
Wade Graham – kinda like Joe Pesci in Casino, well meaning but his
volatile temper makes life worse for everyone.
Jake Trbojevic – He still goes alright. Could possibly trade some
of his consonants for some of Josh Papalii’s vowels.
Jack Bird – the year is 2008 and thanks to Family Guy season 7,
episode 2 ‘I Dream of Jesus, everyone is talking about how the bird
is the word. Well it’s 2017 and the Bird is definitely no longer