Thanks to my dad when I soap myself in the shower I sometimes feel I am a pregnant man. Because I had once driven 10 hours for a visit and he asked when I was expecting.Because I am fat.Oddly that's not what caused the flashback, or flashbacks since it's oft a medley of fraught moments stitched together like the human centipede (have not seen; will never see).I cried as the medley still ran as I got out and dried off. I later stood in my room softly shouting "No" over and over.That slipped right into me; a corking beauty. Primal anger at shitty trauma. But what can you do? What the fuck can you do?