In ill-attempted missionFreshly re-introduced to the love of dairy, having discovered my intolerance lifted, after a psych appointment to debrief on the super sorry I furtled to McDonald's and got sundaes and shakes. Yeah ... so there was nothing in the basket to put them in and keep them from sliding about in their tray.
Articles from Harrangue Man
I got to say sorry to someone I harmed through inaction. It weighed on me for years but I got to say face-to-face that I had fucked up and that it should not have happened.There's some cartharsis and the clawing guilt has receeded. It was one of those deathbed regrets put to bed well ahead of death. That is a win in anyone's book.
I'm reading about the history of magical thinking in US culture and how many preachers had gotten into the game because they survived a disaster and that therefore God had saved them for the purpose to preach.Fuck that shit with a red hot fork. Try nearly dying a hundred times; there's no divine Providence, just dumb luck you didn't die.What a bunch of lightweights.
I wasn't whisper shouting at the wall itself but what lay beyond it, another time and place that is past and future both.Bug-eyed with measured quiet outrage I lanced at wall with angry talk.Then realised what I was doing and got back into bed.I'm a dramatic person; even in my own room and with a wall as subject and audience.
It was at the end of the first episode of The IT Crowd that prompted this recall when the lads of the IT department are in a series of photographs of them at the fair where they're in extreme excitement in the company of middle-aged and bored dutch prostitutes. This is the photo from the dodgem cars:
I had "Forever Young" stuck in my head and it is a song I find irritating because to be "forever young" is to die young but, in theory, having lived the best of your years on earth which, allegedly, is your tweens to the end of your twenties.It's also the age category when we lost prime manhood to the predation of industrial warfare V dickheads who didn't understand industrial warfare.
I endured some big sounds today. The first was next door’s mower firing off through the shed wall right level with my left ear. Because I was nerding with my email D&D game I had a focus on something and endured it; it became background noise. Game of Thrones Monopoly was harder—and I went full ear muffs for that one and the midway mark because it’s an exciting game and there was a lot of noise.
I had two days of EMDR treatment for PTSD and it helped change the memory of recent attacks from initially recalling the terror I felt to the Zen of recognising and dealing with the attack. The memory had been re-framed as a positive; that I had an attack but I had got through it.We talked about where next and I have another session soon.
So that happened.