...AND MY HAMMER, MOTHERF***ERS.THAT, my Beloved Throners, is how you make a reappearance four seasons after we last saw you. Quit your job no questions asked, kill two guys with your mighty f***ing warhammer, ignore Davos"s advice to play it cool and just f**ing bro up with Jon Snow.
Welcome back, Gendry. I don"t even mind that you had your shirt on.
YOU GUYS I CAN"T, I JUST EFFING CAN"T EFFING DEAL WITH THIS PLEASE SEND HELP AND CHOCOLATE AND ABS BECAUSE I DON"T KNOW HOW TO RECAP ANY OF THATALSO JON SNOW WENT INTO A CAVE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN AND WE ALL KNOW HOW THAT ENDS AND I"M QUIETLY DEVASTATED
*Sob*... *gasp*... He… *sob*....went into…*indecipherable noise of suffering*... a…. CAVE. *Weeps tears enough to drown a Lannister*
Oh Gods, oh gods, oh gods, Olenna.
If you"ve got to go, what a way to do it.
Cersei may have gotten particularly close with Jaime this episode, but you used your final moments to deliver the most devastating of all blows.
Brava, brava, life will not be the same without you.
I can"t believe it.
I simply can"t believe it.
After all this time, I didn"t even think. I didn"t even realise it could be so easy.
Send a raven north! SUMMON JON SNOW!
All these years I"ve been grappling with how to get the now-King in the North to notice me, and Dany goes and flips off an interview request like it AIN"T NO THANG and lo and behold my beloved is in the saddle and riding ferociously for White Harbour.
HOLY F**K YES ARYA F***ING STARK!
Wrote a piece for my brother's site about disruption and the publishing industry:
The number of characters in Game of Thrones that we desperately want to see the back of is rapidly diminishing. Old Mate Euron Greyjoy has been hyped as the next Big Bad, but we"ll have to wait and see if he can match Ramsay Bolton for brutish psychopathy.
Today's Alien Side Boob is free because it's an experiment. No newly invented profanities. No off colour sexual references. Just a thought experiment.
An alternate micro-history. One I'm so intrigued by I'm thinking of doing agreater length as a quick ebook.
You'll understand why after reading below.
There is ONE WEEK TO GO until Game of Thrones returns, as we can all marvel in the visual spectacle, the compelling drama and the taut thrillingness of Jon Snow's abs (and everything else).
To mark the occasion, I have written a little ditty celebrating my joy at the upcoming Season Seven.
To the tune of the 1998 classic, One Week by the Barenaked Ladies:
Many of you will already know that my dad passed away last week after long and terrible ilness. I wrote about him for BT, but this is a more personal tribute that I'd like to leave here. The eulogy I gave at his funeral:
An old folk saying has it that when a father dies it feels as though half the sky has fallen. This speaks the truth of it.